The day when you decide to

The day when you decide to finally tell me that you're interested to pursue me, I will look you in the eyes and hold your hands and say, 

What took you so long!?!

Then, I would squeeze your hands and say yes. Yes, yes and yes. Yes, because if I had not been preparing myself for this yes, I would not be talking to you in the first place. I would not even reply when you first asked me out. I would not initiate nor keep the conversation going, trying to get to know you more. You're one hell of a person who confuses me so much so that I question my own sanity at times. Some days, I wonder why would you even bother to ring me and then you rang me. Some days, you said sorry you're tired - and my heart sank. I wondered to myself if I had gone too far in showing my interest or affection.

Most days, I just want to slap myself in the face - I am just setting myself up for disappointments. It isn't my first time not guarding the heart well enough and let it slip away. I really tried..  And often I just fail.

I often make a self debate of some sort. I questioned why would you even bother to keep in touch if you didn't care. But then again, some people just want to chat up girls. Yet, I can pin point you as being someone who is not Iike that. You don't seem to enjoy texting a lot.  Your replies are sparse. Most days I see the blue ticks bit no reply. For hours. Then one line creeps in.

I don't know since when I started growing this fondness towards you. Every morning my heart skips a beat when I see your reply on the phone. The days when I don't  see your name on the screen I felt a tinge of blueness. Those days are reminders of the times I should not rely on companionships like this.

When you first said you wanted to talk on the phone, I was quite skeptical. It did not happen til quite a few weeks down the line but once it started, I have to admit - I really love hearing your voice on the other side. I don't know how I could grow this kind of fondness but I just felt like I really wanted to know you more.

I wish I could get to know you more. I don't care whether you're high up on your career or you're struggling job wise like myself, I just wanted to tell you - it's you I am interested in. I want to listen to the songs you recommend to me on Spotify and watch the series you enjoy on TV. I want to listen to all your adventures and tell you mine.

I cannot explain why this affinity towards you - I surprised myself the most in this circumstance. I wish I could have a better explanation at what my thoughts were those few encounters. I simply can't. Some things are best left unexplained. Some things are best left to be savoured.


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