Something just like this

I had a short trip back home last weekend to attend a friend's wedding reception. It was a good trip as managed to accomplish quite a bit.

During this weekend trip, I heard for the first time, this song called "Something just like this" by Coldplay and the Chainsmokers. I first watched the YouTube video as it as 'recommended' on my YouTube list. It was quite an interesting song because it talks about how the girl is not looking for any superhero, fairytale bliss or superhuman gifts. She just wanted 'something just like this'.

It resonates with me in many ways. Being still single at this age (almost 31 and counting..), the general perception is that I am really fussy and demanding when it comes to men. Most just dismiss me saying, "You've got too high standards.." - something which I often think is a misjudgement on my side.

Yes. I don't just date anybody. But that's because not many people actually approached me. It is then speculated that I am too hostile, hence no one really dare to go near me. However, people who really get to know me would know that I am a pretty chatty person who opens up quite easily - transparent, they might even say. Sad to say, transparency may not be a plus point at times. I just feel that honesty is a good policy and what is there to hide, anyway?

In terms of standards, I don't think I have ever rejected anyone purely based on their so-called standards or lack-of. I have only rejected two (okay, maybe three or four) guys in the past because of very valid reasons, and they are

1. They don't know me well enough.
They think they know me but they don't. These assumptions often resulted in a high level of repellance. However, having said that, I believe that they were not mature enough at the age when they attempted to 'pursue' me and I strongly believed that they were not serious, anyway. Why risk your heart get broken, feelings being toyed with if you already know they were not serious? My proof - they all gave up too early and eventually found some other 'easier' girls perhaps and as of now, all married with kids. Pfft. I do not mean to imply that they should have persisted, I just felt they were not serious enough to actually pursue someone at that point in their lives. Then again, maybe I am generalising and making assumptions.

2. Probably trying out every other girl available.
Unfortunately, those pursuers all came at the time when they were trying out every girl they can find. Again, you may say I am judgemental. Possibly, I was being quite. But please bear in mind that all these situations happened in the last 1-2 decades when we were still young. So again, immaturity or simply trying to 'test the water'.

This happened several times in my life that it became quite a bad habit of mine to land those guys into the Highly Repellant List. I began to wonder if I would ever have mutuality or non-unrequited love. Wondered for many years I did, then I decided - screw all these. I am not going to reduce myself to a bitter spinster just because no man can appreciate me. I started to realise whilst I love the idea of marriage and family, if you don't marry the right person, you might as well not get married at all. There are many things you can enjoy being single and self-sufficient.

So, question came - who can be the right man for you? Or me, in this context. Obviously.

Like the song, I don't need someone with superhuman gifts or fairytale bliss. I think you just need the right person who comes at the right time - and everything will feel right. It is that something just like this. Like what? I can't explain exactly how.

'Til then, I am constantly reminding myself not to have any hope nor invest in any emotional attachment which would end up disappointing myself, like what happened in the past. Sometimes, it could be so easy yet things never happen the way you envisioned them to be. They just dissipate into the mind palace.

And you start wondering if you're dreaming again...

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