This shall be my last #addfish post.

It is funny when I wanted to say everything just ended officially when it never really started anyway. I clarified and found out that he changed his mind to give this a shot. He reasoned that we had different ideas about relationships and marriage - and that chatting on Whatsapp and meeting up for a trip would not be able to convince him a lifelong commitment. I agreed, but deep inside myself, I felt that he probably got a little bored of me. Not only his mind has changed, I think his feelings changed too.

Things that I learnt

1. Negative vibes 
I was given the comment that I am a negative person and always pull myself down. People get that negative vibe from you.

I suppose this is part of my personality. I am indeed a pessimist from the start of days. My coping mechanism incorporates this pessimism to give myself no hope no disappointment. I know it is a bad vibe and I should probably change. But I would like to argue that one should never be too sure of things. It is best to expect the worst but get a good outcome. Also, my rebuttal was - I was positive we could make it happen but look at what happened..

Having said that, I would like to improve myself and the vibe after this incident. My resolution is to be more positive and come what may.

2. Discipline, not motivation
One good thing I get out of this rubbish is discipline in terms of working out. There is no doubt I have weight struggles all my life involving hormones. He gave me the drive to work out initially, but after he is gone, I want to continue the discipline. Like he said, discipline and not motivation. The work is hard and the rewards are small.

I hope that after this is all over, I should continue to work out and work even harder. Yes.

3. Do not trust anyone, even yourself
My gravest mistake


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