A little hope, crushed
There has been so much going through my mind now that I can't possibly explain everything single detail. Funny thing is, I always mentally compose blog posts while I am driving, promising myself to write them down and publish before those thoughts and feelings disappear. However, I never seem to be able to execute any of the planned posts. At all.
I don't even know where to start.
Suffice to say, there were news that I found out which made me start to wonder if I really should give it another shot at my far fetched anaesthetic career. Patrick Wong's words always echo in my ears every time I thought of giving up. He once told me not to give up because I would be able to do it one day. Do not be scared or timid. Alright, maybe I paraphrased a little but the gist was there. My future seems bleak and my soul so weak (I earnestly prefer watching YouTube videos, reading story books and hanging out with friends over reading and highlighting Stoelting, Peter Kam or TE Peck!), but.. Since I haven't got anything else to go after ie money or family, why not just invest in a career?
Mind you. It is such a conflict in my innerself. There are so many decisions to make and so little time and space for me to even consider. I sometimes wonder if I am able to pull through these tough times. Most of the time I would just prefer to curl in my RM4k-worth TempSmart 2.0 king sized bed and pretend that every thing will be okay.
But nothing seems right. Everything seems wrong. I have decisions to make, paths to plan and tons of textbooks to read and understand.
Yet here I am.. In bed, once again.