My downfall

I am experiencing this envelope of depression covering myself now. It is a cocktail of hopelessness, despair and disappointments. I can't see myself out of this mess. I keep making mistakes. I keep failing. I almost want to cry, but I did not. I guess that makes things worse - the not crying bit. It makes you vent up inside you.

I cannot even pin point what is making me so upset. Multi factorial, I believe. I refuse to put any blame on any one thing. It is me, myself, you, him and them.

Today, for once in many weeks, I failed to go swimming after my night call. I forgot to bring my towel, but that was beside the point. Point was, I was just too dazed. I drove home like a drunkard. Showered and plonked myself onto the bed. I did not wake up til dusk.

It really is my downfall.

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