The happier me. The crazier me.

Sometimes I still cannot believe I have finally flushed Jspr out of my system. Part of it still feels strange that he is no longer part of my life. Another part of me rejoices because this sense of liberation has been something I have been longing for.. yet I could not get myself out of the deep black hole.

It may be me being completely out of my mind this peri-finals period. Or, it could be just a true happier me. I am not sure. I am the heaviest I have been in these three years in London.. so, weight cannot be the reason why I am happier. My studies have been rocky. My future, uncertain. Yet, there is something liberating about not having to bawl your eyes out over someone who does not even care about your mere presence.

By losing him (albeit just as a friend), I gained so much more. I gained myself again. I found passion and love that I kept so guarded all this while. My passion in medicine just unraveled itself - so much so that I am starting to find that I possibly can see myself as a workaholic, possibly doing 100+ hours a week. I suddenly find that this career is somewhat fascinating. So intriguing and ever so challenging. Bygones to those days when I questioned myself so much. I think I am beginning to get lured into this profession once more. It may be rubbish job first few years of my life - goodbye social life, goodbye family life.. but this life-long learning suddenly has become so, so attractive that I cannot wait to start with the Real Deal.

One last hurdle?

Perhaps not.

This is just the begining. Just you wait and see. Even if I don't make it to specialise, I will make sure I do well as a chronic staff. Or GP. Or kampung doc.

Thank you, Jspr. You throwing me aside after I have become useless to you has finally given me the enlightenment to rediscover the world's best profession. Life cannot be better. I am sorry you missed out in this. Goodbye, I wish you goodbye.


Lynna said…
Yalo... Be happy~

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