I've never come across this
I am in a very strange phase and season in life. I have never really experienced this. It is very difficult and complicated to comprehend. I know what is happening. But I just cannot verbalise (nor type it) out here. I feel very tormented. It is really complicated. Suffice to say I dug my own grave. It is very, very stupid and reckless of me. But on the other hand, I think I would never be good enough anyway. This is a very strange thing to be happening. I am being tormented everyday. I pretend I don't know, but I CLEARLY DO! It crushes me. It is the oddest to be happening in my almost storm-free life. It will be a very weird thing, I must say. Pardon me for using words like odd, weird, strange or complicated. I just feel very messed up.