It is another lazy Saturday for me. So much going on in my tiny little life. I am not well in many areas, but I am holding on.

I take coffee and smile to myself sometimes like a pyscho. I end up adding milk into the coffee all the time. Can't help it. It has become an acquired taste of liking. I don't know why. I drink tea with milk too. I don't know why I got into taking everything with milk. It scares me, but I am doing it anyway.

There is always an on-going battlefield in my mind. I cannot even begin to describe it. It is way too complex. I do not know what I am thinking, moreover what I want or wish for. Sometimes, I just feel so lost.

My Lord Jesus knows me best.

I actually struggle alot. I haven't really been doing my quiet time because I can only wake up in time to go to the hospital. I spend my quiet time talking to God, often dwelling on the same topic over and over again. I feel ashamed at times when I look back in my shabby spiritual life. I know, I have nothing to prove to men (or women, for that matter), for I am only accountable to Him above. Every time I go to church, I feel guilty. If I don't go, I feel equally guilty.

There is just so much going on.. so little time, so little capacity.



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