Hunger pangs

You think it's easy for me?

I am hungry. And I get gastric problems. Yet I cannot eat. Because I have a medical condition that translates you get fat easily. Spells central obesity.

I get hungry very easily. I ate oats in the morning for breakfast. My stomach was grumbling during church service. My extra 'tyre' over the tummy was bulging people might have suspected pregnancy (!!?!?!?!?).

After church, I chose a balanced meal with less rice, more vege, egg, tofu and some meat. I tried so hard to eat slowly.. but I finished my food so fast. I just couldn't help it! Remember... CHEW 20 times before swallowing!

By afternoon, I was hungry... stomach giving weird sounds. I showered and went for a nap.

I woke up hungry. I made myself some oats and grab another apple. I was hungry almost immediately. I just look out of the balcony and down to see the char kuey tiaw stall outside my flat (I don't consider it apartment, nor condo!). I really feel like eating something.Or wishing some friend asked me out for dinner. I was nearly in tears, I kept reminding myself that I'm different from other girls - they could eat yet not get fat. I eat a little and I become the town's next obese girl.

It's never, never fair. It is so hard for me. I have to learn to deny my hunger pangs. I must control. It hurts most of the time. It's never been easy. I used to weigh 10 kilos lighter than I am today. To see my flabby fat arms.. and the pants which used to be so loose I couldn't wear but now I can't wear either 'cos I just can't fit in 'em. It is so depressing!

People kindly suggest - oh, eat oats, eat fruits, eat this eat that. You think it's so fun eating oats all the time? I dream to consume some protein too, okay? You think fruits makes me feel full? I never once felt full eating fruits. I have to deny my hunger anyway. I have to think - oh the apple felt like a good beef steak. And I cannot even look my way to cakes and pastries. I have to announce to the whole world I don't crave for those sweet-looking food.

Yucks.

Do you know how I much I love Bazaar Ramadhan food? This year around, I have been to ZERO bazaar Ramadhan. Because I cannot afford to eat. Capacity wise.

I hate my appetite.

I hate statements that go 'Oh, I do eat.. but I am still so skinny!'. Not particularly pointing to anyone. Just a general point of view. Please wear my shoes for one day and see how you carry this fat mass of body around yet you cannot eat!

My housemate is cooking so nice smelling food.

I can only smell. And imagine I ate the food.

How bout that.

Comments

Osbert said…
ayoyo.. so kelien le.. is it cz u are digesting ur food too fast or wat? something wrong with the digestive system?
lynnx01 said…
Don't know lah..

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