Imperfections

I feel lousy. I feel really, really lousy.

These few weeks, I've been evaluating my life. More like analysing my life. I realise that I make a lousy daughter, lousy sister and lousy friend. I just feel as if I am so imperfect. I try so hard to change but sometimes the bug still remains in me.

I know I shouldn't compare and complain. But I am really degrading, anyhow you see it. You see, in campus I meet a group really wonderful people who are honest to each other and really care for one another. But I am just not like one of them. I don't volunteer. Of course, I try to help as much but I don't just actively volunteer. Sometimes, I feel like I am just a passive participant in everything. I seldom text friends just out of the blue. I always tend to miss my friends' birthday because I don't remember dates. Sometimes worse, I don't even keep track of the dates. When my friends are down in tears, I don't know how to comfort them. I don't know how to say the right words. Sometimes, I am insensitive. I don't know things which happen. I cannot see the conflicts happening. Sometimes I feel so indifferent to things around me.

Just like a few days ago, we had a lunch blogger meet. After the meet, I sort of analysed everything I said and did. It was played over and over again in my head. I started correcting the words I wasn't supposed to mouth. I just suck big time when it comes to public relations. I don't know how to speak at the right time. When others have so many to offer, I am so lousy when it comes to preparing food. I cannot bake, cook or even stew. I make a lousy everything. What can I offer?

My friends come back from overseas with gifts for me. I feel so touched. But what do I have for them? I suck when it comes to buying presents. I wish I could be a better and smarter shopper. But I guess..

I don't know. I can't see a bright future with me being like this all the time.

:(

Comments

< u3!y!nG > said…
Hey.. don't worry so much la. Everyone is unique in some ways. I was told that too. U dun hv to txt ppl out of the blue. i used to feel that. now, i'll be myself. Be yourself. Ppl will like u for who u r. dun change.

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