Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Seven random rants

1. I was so annoyed this morning when I arrived early to prepare the theatre alone and headed to the morning teaching. By the time I returned, they started were inducing the patient. Ugh. I should be the one doing the spinal. So, so annoyed I nearly wanted to burst. But I eventually calmed down. 

2. Despite me swimming more than ten laps each time, I noticed my speed is extremely slow. Happened today when I was swimming beside a presumely trained swimmer. How could she not kick yet propelled forward so effortlessly!

3. I like reading out to myself with a sophisticated accent to amuse myself. Currently, I am reading physiology at home and pharmacology at work. Really slow progress but better than none?

4. I bought a groupon voucher for a ramen dinner for two but have no one to go with me. The more I think of it, the more pathetic I feel about my non existent social life.

5. Sleep is so, so satisfying it is almost criminal not to have enough.

6. Why am I at my fattest again? Unfair.

7. I really despise being a foochow. Hmphhh.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

An honest opinion

Ten years ago, I broke the heart of a guy who was interested in me. I did not understand what he saw in me. He was someone who made me laugh every time we chat on ICQ. I was afraid because I was envisioning all sorts of things when he made a move. I shunned him away and broke him. We were both eighteen.

Ten years later, he married a girl few years his junior. A very sweet, pretty and petite girl. I felt a little down because I often thought of the what would have happened if I were slightly more mature enough to handle things back then. But then again, things may not have worked out, anyway. I do not think anyone wanted someone who is struggling day in and out with her weight issues.

How ironic it seems that it could have been a suitable time for my own wedding this time around in view that I recently completed my housemanship. 

Whilst the people were having pretty decor and good food last night, I asked my colleagues over to my place, 1000km away from the wedding place, for tapao dinner, gin and tonic, and Xbox Kinect. I could not help but feel rather upset I am still single while most of my friends are happily married. I laughed harder and louder last night because I guess, that is really what is left that I could do merrily.

Am I miserable? 

I am not sure. I must admit - things are going fine on my side. I enjoy my job, I have a decent place to live in and great friends who make me laugh real hard most time. The only qualm I have now really is my weight issue - a never ending struggle for me for a long, long time. But why is it that every time I swim, I think of the guys who broke my heart and those whose hearts I had probably broken?

Sunday, November 30, 2014

It is December and I am still a virgin (oops)

I revisited my new year resolution list in the midst of feeling slightly jaded and disappointed over my piles of flabs and fat, and the fact that the only guy who truly was interested in me and the only guy I was interested in (mind you, they are, indeed, two separate individuals) got married this year.

I suddenly thought of my resolutions beginning of this year. It is, after all, December.

1. Get married - NOT DONE
Way too far a resolution. Period.

2. Get myself a cool headband - ACCOMPLISHED
In fact, I got more than just one cool headbands.. Not exactly difficult a task. Lol!

3. Renew my passport - ACCOMPLISHED
Just had it renewed last week. Procrastination!

4. Singapore to visit Hazelnut and Grace - NOT DONE 
Nope. Still not done. Add Minnie to the list, if I may. 

5. Lose 5 kilos. Not 10 but just FIVE will do for now - NOT DONE
Nope. Tough one. I maybe lost 2 kg at most, but gained back in no time. My source of frustration, trust me.

6. Graduate the housemanship - ACCOMPLISHED
Oh yeah, exactly two years. Not a single day off sick. Thank God for pulling me through!

7. Host a housewarming - almost ACCOMPLISHED
Alright.. Not strictly a housewarming but the crowd may just do. Had some gatherings at my place which was always fun.

8. Play tennis - NOT DONE yet
The nearest I got was Xbox Kinect tennis. If that even counts. So, no. Nope. Two years of not holding the racquet.. This is by far the longest since I started learning tennis.

9. Swim 10 laps a day - ACCOMPLISHED
Not strictly everyday but almost averaging up to that. What's better than having a swimming compatible Walkman to accompany a twenty lap in the pool? 

10. Stop dreaming - NOT DONE
Unfortunately, I am still dreaming. Case closed.

I got 5 out of 10. Is that a pass?

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Curb it

Depression may be quite subtle at times. Just to quote an example: last week, I went to bed as early as I could everyday. I slept so much that I had strange, random dreams. At work, I was often frustrated and angry. As a result, I under performed. I failed my spinals and even could not intubate a Cormack and Lehane I. I was binge eating rubbish almost every day last week and feeling guilty about it.

Frustrating, ain't it?

Today, during church, I finally realised it was another bout of depression setting in. I did not realise until I came broken to Him. Then it suddenly made so much sense why the binge eating, somnolence and temper at work. I prayed against the devil trying to suck me into depression and proclaimed I'm Jesus's mighty name.

I hope this coming week would be better.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Post call routine

 Another fun call ended with emergency cesarean section for whose spinal I did successfully in a angle attempt.
Then I had Sarawak Laksa for breakfast. Sinful indulgence but worth the reward post call.
I headed to do grocery shopping for the Coffee Club. A little of getting lost at MJC but that is just typical of me..
Noon time was then dedicated to swimming. Did twenty laps with my cool swimming compatible Walkman. What could beat listening to your favourite tracks while swimming?
After that, I got home and made myself pasta for lunch. I then decided to bake bread pudding using the leftover bread.. It turned out disaster as I wrongly set the temperature, thanks to the Fahrenheit and celcius confusion for a moment.
After that, I died for 2 hours in bed. Trapped in an odd dream but managed to wake up 6pm to try on my poor bread pudding. That included scraping off the burnt surface, in case you are wondering.
Attempted to study a little.. Did a bit on neurotransmitters but ended up largely distracted so here I am..