Friday, November 25, 2016

A month to Christmas

It has become a habit for me to sigh and say how time flies. It is again, the time of the year where we try to wrap things up and prepare a whole list of resolution for next year. It has since become customary for me to also 'wrap things up' and list down my so-called resolutions for next year.

Last year I wrote here in a Christmas and Resolution post.

Since I foresee a busy December ahead, I am going to pen down now.

The quick list I had last year for my 2016 was -

1. Workout to strengthen, to tone and to be fit - aside from losing some weight, hopefully - No weight lost but at least I am sort of on track with my home workout videos
2. Actively studying for an exam Yes, doing it now
3. Start putting on some make up - No, only still the brows
4. Sleep less (slightly far fetched) - I think this showed an exponential improvement only since 4 days ago
5. Tend to the garden a bit - Nope, I ended up shockingly being transfered to a small district in August
6. Convert another 10k to GBP possibly - Nope, found myself tied down with loan commitment
7. Go for a Turn Thirty Trip - OH YESSSSS!!! BALI!
8. Eat more kimchi-based meals - sort of, and kind of - Just had kimchi soup yesterday for dinner!
9. Watch more good quality movies - Hard to say this one..
10. Conquer the IJV CVL insertion - Not great but definitely improved from last year
I have a month left in this year and two major exams upcoming...

This month also marks the first time I went back to Kuching after being transfered for a wedding where I had the honour to become the MOH/sole bridesmaid ...

Who would have thought?

Anyway -

My 2017 resolutions...

*quick thoughts*

1. Pass a professional paper (or at least a part of it)
2. Continue to work out and improve on my stamina
3. Shoot more YouTube videos for fun
4. Drink a lemon/apple cider vinegar/cinnamon/cayenne pepper drink every morning (been doing it for few months)
5. Play more piano
6. Get transfered back to the hometown
7. Figure out if I really want to do anaesthetics
8. Learn at least the supraclavicular block
9. Be more confident at my ultrasound skills
10. Maybe fall in love again (a little skeptical about this nowadays)

Monday, October 31, 2016

At present

We are coming to the last two months of the year..

And you may ask yourself, what just happened to the 10 months of the year? Why is it that time go by so swiftly you are not even aware that 2017 is lurking round the corner?

What happened to my life?

2016 has seen many changes in my life. My sister got married in September, after briefly started dating her old classmate whom she sort of dated almost 15 years ago. Fate?

My younger sister has since started working as a dentist.

We are coping with financing the condo we bought over the South China Sea.

I got transfered to a district I was born in.

I convinced my youngest sister to watch Phantom (my favourite musical, one may claim) and she ended up watching the 30th anniversary special gala performance - such a historic event!

That is many events involving many sisters I have.

I still think Eddie Redmayne is really adorable.. and have since added Benedict Cumberbatch into my watch list.

My weight has not improved. I am trying to do 15-20 minute workout every day or at least 4 times a week, focusing on core, abs and cardio.

Alright, to end this post - an overexposed picture -

Monday, October 3, 2016

The lack of direction

I have been working for four years but still lacking a clear-cut direction in life.

Some days, I get really motivated about my career - I feel that I should be working harder, gaining more knowledge and experience and one day be an anaesthetist in my own right.

Most other days, I lose motivation to study or carry on. I just wanted to lead a so-called normal life with time for hobbies. I dream of migrating to a country where the weather is not scorching hot , places are clean and people are civil.

Truth is, my life would never be normal. I work during public holidays. Some days, I work nonstop stretching over 24 hours without a wink of sleep. I neglect my meals and eat crap when the hunger pangs haunt. I overdose myself with caffeine and get bad withdrawals and side effects after.

Despite all that, I still feel so inadequate regarding many things in my daily practice. I am still unsure about most things when it comes to cause and effect. I am clueless most of the time. I try to read, yet most times I just cannot retain anything I attempt on. Most days I like to blame it on the age, but I do realise the concentration factor is something I have been lacking at all times.

In the area of relationships, it is close to none. In fact, it is nil. There has not been a man whom I think would worth me sacrificing my life to be with. Such irony - I was someone who always thought the ideal life is to be shared with a husband and children. The me today is not only struggling with career and weight, I also had no possible candidate to even try out as a date. To make matters worse, I got transfered to a small district made up of an elderly, ageing population.

So directions. Where am I heading to?

Sunday, September 25, 2016

A wedding, a goodbye

I became close to Sylvia during fourth and fifth form - as neighbours in class. We were prefects and Leo Club committee during those days.

Our 16 and 17 year old days were spent talking about boys (oh, is that a surprise!) - those whom we were interested in and those we were interested in us. We analysed the boys' behavioural patterns and made plenty of deductions with our limited knowledge and experience in the dating and relationship world. I remember having slumber party with other friends, having buffet at Cafe Rosita and also complaining how tight our jeans were. We were also the flower pinning girls for most official occasions in school - I would prefer holding the tray with flowers and make Sylvia pin the flowers on the pockets of VIPs.

Leo Club trip to KK

We drifted a part quite a bit post secondary school - there were rumours here and there and they strained our friendship quite a bit. However, wisdom and age proved that we were mature enough to recognise deception, lies and truth. We started contacting each other again few years later.
By then, our paths have taken such huge diversions. I went into medical school (and almost depression) whilst she gave birth to her firstborn. We continued keeping in touch sporadically throughout the years, reminiscing those carefree secondary school life where I was 10kilos lighter without half the effort I put in now. 

Last weekend I went to Brunei for my former housemate's wedding - a wedding which I have been waiting since I have known my housemate. He said he would probably get married before 30 and he was true to his word - he tied the knot a year short of hitting 30.

During the short weekend trip, I also intended to visit my old secondary school friend, Sylvia whom I last saw during CNY 2014. She went for double mastectomy earlier this year with mediastinal node excision where the doctors found the malignancy to spread to the pleura of her lungs. She had been undergoing chemotherapy and radiotherapy. She wrote a piece on her blog where she shared about her experience.

A coffee shop kind of meet up I envisioned turned out to be me visiting her at the Brunei Cancer Centre at Jerudong Park Medical Centre. The facility was impressive - I was told it was a country and polo club turned into a hospital. I saw horses along the driveway into the hospital.

I did not spend a very long time at the ward - as a doctor I know patients should get adequate rest and not to prolong visiting hours. We talked bits and pieces but did not divulge into those serious issues I intended to bring across - her poor prognosis, resuscitation status ecetra. I felt that for once I was not going to wear the facade of a medical practitioner. I just had to be a friend visiting a friend in the ward. 

My heart was heavy. I knew what the outcome was going to be like. I have seen enough to be able to tell the natural course of these kind of disease progression. I knew it was probably the last time I was going to see her, even though I reasoned with myself I could be entirely wrong. I even thought perhaps I should schedule another visit nearer to Christmas to see her.

Exactly one Saturday after my visit, she has left to be with the Lord. She was a brave, courageous woman who was not afraid of death.

Goodbye, Sylvia (last photo taken a week before she passed on)

CNY 2014

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

The £3 duvet cover

He showed off his ikea haul of a £3 duvet cover. I was clearly smitten at such a good deal. Why didn't you get me a set, I asked. He argued back, how would he know I wanted.

We then walked around Battersea Park. I was still heavy hearted, not knowing how to voice out my actual reason of meeting up. We walked in silence, I took a photo of our shadows, the only proof we ever walked that park.

It was time for me to take the bus back to SW17. I still had not told him what I planned to - I did not know how to. He walked me to the bus stop and before I boarded the bus, he shoved a shopping bag into my hands.

It was the £3 duvet cover!

I told him I could get them myself at ikea in Croydon after all. He insisted.

That was the last time we spent time together.

He finally made the choice of leaving me, with a £3 duvet cover which I still use til this day.