Sunday, October 19, 2014

It's been a good day

Four weeks of ITU posting has finally ended.

My verdict?

Not as bad as I thought. I think I am developing a love affair towards this specialty even more. I remember Patrick Wong telling me that I need to have more confident. Never mind he smirked at me saying I was considering anaesthetics as a career to pursue (not many student who proclaim such). I guess when I started housemanship, I was so terribly overwhelmed by the workload that I fail to see the big picture and my little lost dream.

Today, I find it interesting and intriguing to do what I am doing now. I wish I were smarter or have a better memory. I am so interested to quench my thirst of knowledge.. but couldn't seem to retain any! That, I shall leave for another day.

Today, on a brighter note, has been good. I swam 10 laps, attended church, roamed The Spring alone, satisfied my laksa craving, got lost around Kenyalang area and finally reached KPCA to donate blood.

Alright.. time to study!

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Help!

I don't seem to comprehend anything I am attempting to read. Physiology is ........

Too old for this? Sigh

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Secret stories

I was on call last night in the ICU. Having a post call on Sunday can be pretty tricky at times. I chose instead to go to church, which I did not regret at all. It was a short, concise and straight to the point sermon by one of my favourite pastors. After church, I went to swim 20 laps. It felt so good. Every thing seems to fit so nicely but I find something missing.

I think I am missing someone to share these fun moments together. 

Lately, I am guilty of indulging my thoughts in creating stories and fantasies I'm my head. I suppose it is easier to imagine and pretend. Imaginations can be controlled by the mind. I can smile and laugh at all th stories that I wrote up in my mind. Not many people would think of me as creative but I think in terms of pretending and imagining, I have got to win it hands down. 

Today, reality kind of struck me. My imaginations and pretending of things that may be would never come true. I used to do plenty of these imagining when I was young. None of them came through. The nearest that came through perhaps was extending my current home and having a super cosy room of my own. That probably turned out after 20 years. But other stories remained buried and expired.

As I grow older, my stories become more and more limited. For instance, at the age of 12, I was imagining myself at age 20 living in, say, Sydney. But now that I am 28, obviously the story did not turn out to come true, hence expired. I can't possibly imagine myself at age 20 anymore. I imagine the future, not the past. So you can see how limited I have become the older I get.

I have probably stopped creating stories in my head for quite some time.. Especially when I had no time to even think during the beginning of my career life. Now, I am beginning to start creating stories again... Impossible stories.. 

My cosy room

Friday, September 26, 2014

Oh, life

There is rather unknown service on the Internet called Oh, Life where they email you to ask how is your day everyday and you just have to reply the email and somehow they keep your records and will email random entries everyday. It was pretty fun. I started doing it in 2011 and had been trying to keep up all these years.

Unfortunately last week they emailed to say that they are terminating the service. Users get to export their past entries into doc form and that was it. Fin.

Kinda miss this service because it can be pretty interesting to get an email everyday which goes like.. 234 days ago, you wrote...


Friday, August 22, 2014

What's the matter

It's been difficult for me but I try to pretend everything is alright. I guess I have been angry and subconsciously trying to prove something. I do not know why I have to be so hard on myself sometimes, why do I have to be such a pessimist? Why punish myself for things that could not have been helped?

But I think I finally is at the brink of sensing some liberation. A little more than ready to move on and accept the harsh reality of life.

How would I fare after this?