Sunday, November 2, 2014

Curb it

Depression may be quite subtle at times. Just to quote an example: last week, I went to bed as early as I could everyday. I slept so much that I had strange, random dreams. At work, I was often frustrated and angry. As a result, I under performed. I failed my spinals and even could not intubate a Cormack and Lehane I. I was binge eating rubbish almost every day last week and feeling guilty about it.

Frustrating, ain't it?

Today, during church, I finally realised it was another bout of depression setting in. I did not realise until I came broken to Him. Then it suddenly made so much sense why the binge eating, somnolence and temper at work. I prayed against the devil trying to suck me into depression and proclaimed I'm Jesus's mighty name.

I hope this coming week would be better.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Post call routine

 Another fun call ended with emergency cesarean section for whose spinal I did successfully in a angle attempt.
Then I had Sarawak Laksa for breakfast. Sinful indulgence but worth the reward post call.
I headed to do grocery shopping for the Coffee Club. A little of getting lost at MJC but that is just typical of me..
Noon time was then dedicated to swimming. Did twenty laps with my cool swimming compatible Walkman. What could beat listening to your favourite tracks while swimming?
After that, I got home and made myself pasta for lunch. I then decided to bake bread pudding using the leftover bread.. It turned out disaster as I wrongly set the temperature, thanks to the Fahrenheit and celcius confusion for a moment.
After that, I died for 2 hours in bed. Trapped in an odd dream but managed to wake up 6pm to try on my poor bread pudding. That included scraping off the burnt surface, in case you are wondering.
Attempted to study a little.. Did a bit on neurotransmitters but ended up largely distracted so here I am..

Sunday, October 19, 2014

It's been a good day

Four weeks of ITU posting has finally ended.

My verdict?

Not as bad as I thought. I think I am developing a love affair towards this specialty even more. I remember Patrick Wong telling me that I need to have more confident. Never mind he smirked at me saying I was considering anaesthetics as a career to pursue (not many student who proclaim such). I guess when I started housemanship, I was so terribly overwhelmed by the workload that I fail to see the big picture and my little lost dream.

Today, I find it interesting and intriguing to do what I am doing now. I wish I were smarter or have a better memory. I am so interested to quench my thirst of knowledge.. but couldn't seem to retain any! That, I shall leave for another day.

Today, on a brighter note, has been good. I swam 10 laps, attended church, roamed The Spring alone, satisfied my laksa craving, got lost around Kenyalang area and finally reached KPCA to donate blood.

Alright.. time to study!

Tuesday, October 14, 2014


I don't seem to comprehend anything I am attempting to read. Physiology is ........

Too old for this? Sigh

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Secret stories

I was on call last night in the ICU. Having a post call on Sunday can be pretty tricky at times. I chose instead to go to church, which I did not regret at all. It was a short, concise and straight to the point sermon by one of my favourite pastors. After church, I went to swim 20 laps. It felt so good. Every thing seems to fit so nicely but I find something missing.

I think I am missing someone to share these fun moments together. 

Lately, I am guilty of indulging my thoughts in creating stories and fantasies I'm my head. I suppose it is easier to imagine and pretend. Imaginations can be controlled by the mind. I can smile and laugh at all th stories that I wrote up in my mind. Not many people would think of me as creative but I think in terms of pretending and imagining, I have got to win it hands down. 

Today, reality kind of struck me. My imaginations and pretending of things that may be would never come true. I used to do plenty of these imagining when I was young. None of them came through. The nearest that came through perhaps was extending my current home and having a super cosy room of my own. That probably turned out after 20 years. But other stories remained buried and expired.

As I grow older, my stories become more and more limited. For instance, at the age of 12, I was imagining myself at age 20 living in, say, Sydney. But now that I am 28, obviously the story did not turn out to come true, hence expired. I can't possibly imagine myself at age 20 anymore. I imagine the future, not the past. So you can see how limited I have become the older I get.

I have probably stopped creating stories in my head for quite some time.. Especially when I had no time to even think during the beginning of my career life. Now, I am beginning to start creating stories again... Impossible stories.. 

My cosy room